Difficult conversations
We all have to have difficult conversations sometimes. How we deliver tough messages makes a real difference. Find out how you can have difficult conversations and deliver tough messages thoughtfully and respectfully.
Part of the Communication and feedback module.
Do not delay difficult conversations
Most workplace issues will not go away if they are ignored. Difficult conversations can be daunting, but talking about issues when they come up is better for you, the other person and your organisation. It helps:
- maintain positive and open relationships
- ensure everyone is clear about expectations, responsibilities and entitlements
- find ways to resolve issues
- people feel more confident in their work
- prevent stressful, costly and lengthy disputes.
No-one likes having hard conversations. But they become even harder the longer you leave them. Be brave.
Tips for delivering tough messages
Delivering tough messages and having difficult conversations are part of managing an organisation. But it can be difficult to know what to do, what to say and how to manage the exchange so that it goes as smoothly as possible.
Here are some tips on how to handle these conversations:
Reframe the conversation as helpful
Many people avoid difficult conversations because they do not want to upset the other person or they want to be liked. Another way of looking at it is to think about what you want the conversation to achieve: for yourself, for the other person, for the relationship and for other stakeholders (e.g. team members or clients). Try framing it in a way that promotes growth and understanding.
Understand your emotional reaction
It is okay to have uncomfortable feelings during tough conversations; sometimes these mean you are not avoiding challenging discussions. However, if you are feeling very angry, scared, hurt or defensive, you may consider delaying the conversation until you feel calmer. This will help you be less reactive in the conversation.
Present the facts
Share your facts and your logic. Explain how the problem affects the organisation. Plan what you are going to say, but do not have a detailed script as it is unlikely the conversation will go according to your plan. Be flexible with a range of possible responses.
Listen to the other person’s perspective
Allow the other person to challenge your position. Ask questions if you are not clear about anything. Have they presented information and arguments you had not considered? Do you need to reconsider your position?
If appropriate, work with the other person to resolve the issue
Look for overlap in your positions and agree on a way forward. Be willing and open to finding a different solution. Compromise and negotiation will help you arrive at a solution that suits both parties.
Consider the logistics
Other things to consider include:
- the timing and location of the meeting
- whether you and the other person can have a support person present
- how to record any discussions and decisions.
Consider support
In workplaces where an Employee Assistance Program exists, there may be an option to speak to a professional who can provide guidance on how to approach difficult conversations, if needed.
Try to stay calm, and stick to the facts. If you feel yourself—or the other person—getting upset, take a moment to calm down.