Individual responses to conflict

What to do if conflict is caused by opposing ideas

Some conflicts arise because of different views about work-related ideas, decisions or actions. Try these tips for managing these types of conflict:

• Try to stick to the issue. This will encourage the other person to do the same.
• Appreciate that other people have different opinions that are just as valid as yours.
• Work out whether the issue really means that much to you, or whether your dislike for the other person has hardened your opinion.
• Push aside feelings or judgements about the other person, and try hard to listen and understand their point of view. The way to avoid conflict is to help those around you achieve their objectives.
• Decide that your aim is to solve the problem, rather than ‘win’ the argument. Be prepared to compromise. 
• Find common areas of agreement, no matter how small e.g. agree on the problem, the procedure to follow or a small change.
• View conflict as an opportunity for growth and development. 
• Ask others to mediate.

Always be polite, and don’t gossip or complain about people. Focus on solving problems, not winning arguments. Find something you can both agree on, such as making a small change, or agreeing on the next step in a process. If you can’t resolve the conflict, talk to a supervisor, manager or human resources. 

What to do if conflict is caused by a personality clash

Some conflict happens because people do not get along. Try these tips for managing this type of conflict: 

• Accept that people are different.
• Think about how much energy you are spending in your dislike for the other person, and how you could invest that energy in more productive ways.
• Don’t gossip or complain about the person to others.
• Try to be reasonable and polite, or at least neutral, to the other person.
• Work towards making your workplace a friendlier environment.

What to do if the conflict is with your manager or supervisor

A difficult relationship with a manager or supervisor is a common cause of work-related stress. Examples of difficult behaviour include lack of communication, verbal bullying, inflexible thinking and rudeness. 

Like other workplace conflicts, this can be caused by different opinions or a personality clash. Try these tips for building a better relationship with your manager or supervisor. 

If the conflict is caused by different opinions:

• Be calm and reasonable. Your manager does not have to think about things the same way you do.
• Aim to solve the disagreement, rather than win the argument. Be prepared to compromise.
• Approach your manager in a collaborative way. Ask them for their opinions, thoughts and judgements on the issue. Really listen to them.
• Compliment them on any of their suggestions that you think are workable.
• Suggest your own ideas, rather than demand them. Explain how your ideas could benefit the organisation.
• Perhaps your manager will be more interested if you thoroughly research your ideas and present them professionally, highlighting possible benefits and drawbacks.

If the conflict is caused by personality clash, it is important to find out why:

• Does your manager treat everyone poorly, or just you?
• If you are singled out, is there an unresolved dispute between you?
• Are you giving your manager something to dislike, such as poor work performance or increased absenteeism?
• Ask a colleague if they have noticed your manager’s behaviour towards you. Getting an outside perspective can help you evaluate the situation. 
• Do you have conflicts with other people at work? Consider whether there is something in your approach that is creating tension with others in work? 

These steps may be helpful in trying to resolve a conflict with a manager. However, it is important to note that a worker should not tolerate unacceptable or bullying behaviour from their manager. 

Tips for building a better relationship with your manager or supervisor

• If you have a colleague who gets along well with your manager, ask them about their dynamic. How do they treat the manager?
• Keep calm. If your manager has poor people skills, try not to take their behaviour personally.
• Assert yourself in a reasonable and calm manner. Don’t yell back or take the abuse silently. Explain politely that you don’t appreciate being spoken to that way.
• Next time your manager yells or treats you patronisingly, ask them if you have done something to upset them. This may open the lines of communication.
• Change your communication style. Take the time to listen to your manager. If they say something you agree with, then say so. People sometimes yell and rant if they feel they are being ignored. Make your manager feel validated.
• The clash may be caused by differences in working style—you may like to be left alone to do your job, but your manager may believe that good management means close supervision. Discuss your working needs calmly and reasonably.
• Seek advice from your human resources manager.
• If your manager’s behaviour is aggressive or abusive, or if all attempts to build a reasonable relationship fail, talk it over with your manager’s supervisor.

What to do if you can’t resolve a conflict

If a dispute remains unresolved, you may need to consider other avenues. The Conflict resolution – dispute resolution summary explains other options for resolving conflict such as mediation, arbitration and adjudication.