Safe conversations about suicide

Sometimes a simple conversation can save a life. It is important to start a conversation if you think someone you work with might be thinking about suicide.

Conversations about suicide are difficult, but they can save a life. The first step can be as simple as asking someone if they are okay. It shows you care and that might be just what they need. 

Manage your thoughts and fears

It is normal to find the idea of talking to someone about suicide very confronting. But it can be a very important conversation. Take a deep breath and try to stay calm. Before meeting with the person, prepare some details about where they can get further help (e.g. Employee Assistance Program, Lifeline 13 11 14). Remember there is no ‘perfect’ thing to say, and you don’t have to be an expert—you just need to show them you care.

Start the conversation

Start by showing respect and concern. This will make it easier for the person you are worried about to open up and be honest with you. Tell them about the behaviours you have noticed (observations but not judgements). Try saying something like:

• “I’m worried about you. Can we talk about what’s going on?”
• “I’ve been concerned about you lately and want to know how you are. You haven’t seemed yourself.”
• “You’ve seemed really down/sad/angry/unhappy/stressed. I’m worried about you. How are you?”

Tip: Try to avoid saying things that may be judgemental or accusatory (e.g. “You’ve been moody lately”). It can come across as a criticism and the person may withdraw from the conversation.

Listen without judgement

Make the person feel comfortable talking to you by listening without judgement or criticism, offering support and understanding. The best approach initially is to simply listen to what they say and understand what their experience is. Do not feel you have to give advice or ‘fix’ their problem.

Tip: If the person does not want to talk about things, have some other topics ready to keep a conversation going to show them that you have time to talk. You could also ask if you can check in with them tomorrow or at a later stage.

Ask directly about suicide

Ask the person directly if they are feeling suicidal or if they have been thinking about suicide. Discussing suicide directly and asking how they are feeling with genuine concern can give the person the chance to take positive steps towards getting help. 

Here are some recommended questions:

• “‘I’m worried you might be thinking of hurting yourself or suicide. Is that something you’ve thought about?”
• “Have you been thinking about taking your own life?”
• “I’m worried about you and I care. Are you having thoughts about suicide?”

Tip: Try to avoid questions that make it sound like judgements (e.g. “You don’t want to take your own life, do you?”, “You’re not thinking of suicide, are you?”) as it may make people feel uncomfortable saying “yes”. Avoid using the word ‘commit’ when referring to suicide—although often used, ‘commit’ is stigmatising and has a negative connotation. 

It is okay to ask someone if they are thinking about suicide and if they have a plan to end their life. It does not make it more likely that they will die by suicide. 

Ask about plans

If the person confirms they are thinking about suicide, it is important to try and find out if they are in immediate danger and whether they have plans in place to take their life. Ask questions to reveal if they have a plan, the means and a timeframe. Here are some questions you could ask:

• “You’ve mentioned you’re thinking about suicide. Is this something you’re considering in the immediate future?”
• “Do you have a plan to end your life?”
• “Do you have access to what you need to carry out the plan? Where is it?”

Check on the person’s safety. Access to means is a risk factor for suicide, so make sure there is nothing they can use to harm themselves (such as a weapons, vehicles, drugs or medicines).

Keep the person safe. If the person has access to lethal means of suicide close by (or on them), you may want to talk to them about putting it somewhere out of reach, for safety. 

If the person says, “Don’t worry about me” and ends the conversation, then you can also call the police and ask for a welfare check. The person will not get in trouble; they will be located and linked with health services if required. 

If you think someone is in immediate danger, call 000. 

Encourage and support them to seek help

Once you have given the person the opportunity to discuss their feelings, it is a good time to offer support. Show your support by working with the person to keep them safe and agree to a next step.

Some useful phrases are:

• “What would be most helpful for you right now?”
• “Thank you for talking to me about this. How can I best support you right now?”
• “What you’re going through is very challenging, Let’s get through this together.”

Encourage that person to seek professional help. Your conversation and encouragement might reduce any stigma that might have about seeking help. They could make an appointment to see their GP or they might contact a support line such as those listed in the Urgent Help section. See Helping people connect with supports for more guidance.

If you find it challenging to support the person, reach out to a supervisor or other support (e.g. the workplace’s Employee Assistance Program) for assistance. 

If you are supporting someone experiencing mental ill-health, distress or suicidal distress, it is important that you also look after yourself. Taking care of your own mental health will benefit both you and the person you are supporting.